homebound
I woke up this morning knowing that it was time to go. My director/producer friend wants me to stay much longer but I just can't. My dog Venus, bless her heart is not doing well without me there. Axl is still Axl and is plugging along, slow but sure. My heart just told me that it was time to go and so I'm looking into flights at a travel agency later today to try and fly home tomorrow.
It's been quite an experience. I've written a first draft of a screenplay in less than a month, quite to my own surprise. I thought it would take at least three months. Parts of it are excellent. Parts of it are glaringly "rough" but that's why it's called a "first" draft and not a "final" draft. If one thing has been clear to me on this adventure, it's that I do have a small, innate talent for being able to write a script. Fictional dialogue, which I never thought would be easy was cake. Writing up scenes and creating a little story from someone else's idea was not that difficult either. It gives me a lot of hope for my own original scripts later on.
From here, I don't know what is next. The original plan that I thought was in place changed a few days ago and I have to make a hard, life direction decision soon.
On the other hand, I know which decision I will make so it's more a matter of just being at peace with it. I have to decide between following a paid movie writing career in Hong Kong or taking the risk of just going out and living life in the U.S., come what may. I'm choosing the U.S. of course. I feel too "alien" when in Asia. I can take it for awhile and it's nice to visit and see, but this isn't "home" for me.
I've learned a lot here. One thing is I thought that happiness can be "what I do" in life. I thought that being a paid screenwriter would be the ultimate joy. Nope.
Happiness is not what I "do." In fact, this has been one of the saddest times of my life in spite of all the incredible opportunity to do exactly what I've dreamed of doing. I've realized that I'm happier just being with my dogs, my furry family and even the thought that used to paralyze me, sitting in a desk job, actually sounds welcomingly stable and desirable at this point. It's hard to explain other than to say that "home is where the heart is."
With that, I'm logging off for the day then setting out to find a flight from Thailand to Singapore to the U.S. From there, I gather up my dogs and my things and find the next place "to live" in life for all of us. I don't know where it will be, but I'm sure that that answer will simply appear in time. I luckily have a couple of other opportunities already lined up back in the states so it's not like I don't have some income options since it's looking like screenwriting and directing is something I'm politely declining due to the location of it. On the other hand, I may still be able to be involved on this project "from a distance" depending on how things pan out down the road, but for now, I'm taking my own road and following my heart. It's never wrong whereas, my brain is almost always wrong when it makes choices. (ha.)
It will likely be a long time before the next update, I believe. Possibly even a few weeks or a month while I figure out where to move and where to live and what to do with the days ahead. I will still be a writer someday, someway, but for now it's time to get back to my little family. I'm a little more tan, a bit skinnier, and a bit more experienced in terms of writing and learning about life and the real meaning of it all.
It's not what I do, it's not what I make. It's about following my heart. I can never be faulted for that.