The You Journey
Of late, I've not had very many nor very interesting journal updates. It would be easy to blame writer's block except I don't believe in it. What I do believe in is procrastination. I don't believe in it any further than that it exists out of our own doing. So, in short, I've been procrastinating on writing.
Why?
Several reasons, fear and rejection to name two. I started writing a book about a cross-country bike ride I did. I got about 70% done with the book and just quit working on it. I dabbled on it here and there, but basically I gave up. This would be the equivalent of getting off my bike and flying home from somewhere in New Mexico. As such, I pushed myself a bit this week and dug into the book again, determined to get somewhere closer to being done with it.
In the middle of all this, I got a couple of emails from good friends. One of the emails was about the journey I'm on beyond a bike ride or sailing around the world. It's a journey we're all on, the basic journey through life. The other email was from someone who seems to constantly read this journal for some odd reason. Her email was uplifting, motivating and challenged me to continue being me.
I'll admit that I also got sidetracked with needing to figure out a way to earn a living for the short term while I continue working at someday becoming a writer. It's incredible how much time you can spend reading job postings in the Bay Area. Oddly, I almost feel like just working at the local Starbucks in the short term so I can spend all of my limited brain power on writing rather than on a real job.
Back on track here, I was going someplace with all of this: the journey and being you. I've always found two things about humans odd and I fully include myself as being guilty of the oddities. First, we're on this journey and basically, every single one of us can go absolutely anywhere we want. I often think about why some people turn out to be George Lucas or Tiger Woods and it's simply because they wake up and know where they're headed and they spend the day on that journey. And second, we are always trying to be something or someone else than just who we are.
I think the bulk of us don't really give the personal journey much thought beyond, "oh, wouldn't it be nice if......." If what? What is your personal "IF?" When I was still at Amazon.com, I was amazed whenever co-workers would spend long hours, weekends, half the night working on forecasting and planning and budgeting for their particular department or project. These same people wouldn't know what they were going to do on the next free weekend they had. They didn't know where they would go on vacation. They didn't even have any sort of a personal dream or goal. Not that you need any of this, but
IF you have an "IF" then you might catch my drift here. (Again, I'm guilty of all of this too, so I'm not pointing any fingers...I'm just highlighting my point.)
So, my personal challenge (and perhaps yours) is to spend some amount of time and effort and energy and thought coming up with a good "IF" as in, "if I could only..." which would result in something Ive always dreamed of or wanted. THEN...the next challenge is to spend some amount of time and effort and energy and thought into planning that journey. Here's the tough part...nothing is easy but it is likely worthwhile. The hardest part of cycling across the continent is putting the bike in the crate and shipping it then buying a one-way flight to the starting line. The next hardest part is taking that first pedal and riding that first eternity. I recall beginning to ride and my arms ached, my back ached, my legs ached. I felt like I had been traveling for hours and hours and miles and miles. I remember looking down at my watch on the handlebars. I'd been pedaling a total of 18 minutes and had gone about two miles. This meant that, as tired as I was, I still had somewhere in the neighborhood of 57 days, 1 hour and 42 minutes left to pedal for 3,672 miles...and I felt like I couldn't make it another 100 yards at that point. I don't really know why, but I kept going until, exhausted after 49 miles ridden that first day, I reached a small town.
I pulled over to a small restaurant but the kitchen was closed. I couldn't go any farther so after hearing my story, the waitress set me up with key lime pie and coffee. I could barely move or smile. I didn't even want to think about how many times each leg had to be pushed down to finish the ride from here on out. Two really important things right here and this as much for me about continuing to write until this d^mn book is done as it is for anyone needing a bit of a push: 1) You can choose to finish or you can choose to quit. In the end, no one makes you do anything but you. 2) If you go a little bit every day on a particular journey you will get there. It will eventually end.
It might seem to take forever, but there is a finish line somewhere down the road and reaching that finish line can make a real difference in how you see yourself not just today but for a long time to come.
Huh? How you see yourself? What on earth??? When I read my two friends' emails together, I realized that each day is a journey toward being how we wish to see ourselves. The problem is, if you don't set little markers along the way and check them off as you reach them, you might always be chasing an unreachable journey. Withot those markers, you may never actually be who you wish to be because you're wishing for something undefined and elusive. For example...I consider my life an entirely huge flop, an utter failure...why? Because I've only reached one goal so far and that was to bike across the country. In 37 years of life, it feels like that's what I have in terms of real achievements. Ridiculous, because I've certainly done more than that. Not ridiculous if that's the only big goal I've set that I've actually reached. It's all about how we see ourselves.
So, all that garbage said, if you're still with me...it comes down to simply this: make the journey of life all about being you. This means take the time to figure out
you and how you want to see
you. Spend time each day becoming
you in all your glory. Take some time each day to pat
you on the back.
In a book I read last year, it talked about how in our society, it's almost wrong to be successful. In other words, if we do a good job, we often give someone else the credit or call it luck. We consistently put ourselves down, we consistently wish we were someone else doing something else. We color our hair, we buy new clothes and cars and all sorts of things just to feel differently about who we are. We seem to be so ill at ease with being us and being comfortable with being a successful us. It all starts in the media because the only thing that glues us to the TV is bad news. But the reason the media reports bad news is because it's what we'll watch...they're just bringing us what we like. I don't get it, but I definitely think we should all just stop. Why not just be happy, just do a good job and take credit for it? Why not stop beating ourselves up inside over this and that and whatever?
I don't really know. I'm just trying to get through this little daily journey called me and hope in the end that it's good enough.