Little Fish, Big River, Bigger City

So, in getting back into the groove of writing, I decided to think about it a bit. Writing is words, right? Which made me think of the the phrase which normally precedes some sort of "dread" feeling in our systems when we hear it: "I'd like to have a word with you..." This phrase is doubly worse when followed up with, "...in my office." And triply worse when followed with, "NOW!" If you're like me, you've gotten into enough trouble in life to have heard this phrase enough to know it's usually never a good thing.

Well, we're going to change all that. From now on, when you hear this phrase it'll make you smile, even if you are about to be grounded or fired or divorced or imprisoned or all of the above. We're going to attach new meaning to the phrase. First, let's just take a second (whoa, can I say that?!?!) Let me start over...to begin, let's take a moment to reflect. When someone says, "I'd like to have a WORD with you..." it NEVER means that. Oh no, they won't just have one word with you, they'll go on and on, sometimes for hours. It would be a whole different ballgame if someone followed that phrase with JUST one word, like "VODKA!" "BAMBOO!!!" or even, "PISTON!!!" Which slyly brings me to one of my favorite words: segue.

If you're like me, you spent the first 34 years of your life reading that word and saying "seh-gyooo" in your head. Meanwhile you heard people say "segway" and you had no idea that those were the same two words. In any event, let's segue (say, "segway") to our next subject: Favorite Words.

"Hot diggity!" you're thinking, because "diggity" is a blast to say, as in, "Diggity-DOG!" (Having fun yet?) Okay, it's "go time" people. I'm assigning you to an important mission here. We're going to make the world a tiny bit more fun, maybe not for other people, but for ourselves. No, we're not being narcissistic, we're just having a dash of fun. Take out a piece of paper and start writing down your all-time favorite words. C'mon...you KNOW you have them. After you write them down, your task is to start using them perpetually, ad infinitum. Just slip 'em into the conversation like you'd slip a mickey into a martini. To make it easy, I'll start us off.

Debacle, Impale, Travesty, Disheveled, Merlot, Monkey, Chiuahua, Segue, Iguana, Fickle, Blather, Gorge, Ocelot, Pimp, Pooch, Smack, Slovenly, Impetuous, Benign, Inconceivable (okay, so I borrowed that one), Receipt, Jet, Impeccable, Dash, Perhaps, Miniscule, Infamous, Melee, Au Jus (yea, those double ones count, too), Hyper, Hilarious, Farcical, Platypus, Ironic, Halibut, Molecular, Spindle, Profanity, Jungle, Carbeurator, Idyllic, Exhaust, Couple, Phew (slang counts!), Jurassic, Friggin', Slap, Whimsical, Indelible, Unagi (Japanese for "eel"), Rudder, Courteous, Splashy, Slime, Fathom, Map, Rotund, Fiscal, Propel, Smirk, Spike, Toast (French and otherwise), Puny, Puce, Pasted, Presumptuous, Ponder, Spinnaker, Massive, Ion, Epoch, Epic, Treasure, Moon, Princess, Susceptible, Flounder, Wiggle, Chunky, Deluge, Twist, Rock, Link, Tainted, Dolby, Soliloquy, Laser, Laced, Mace, Coagulate, Obligatory, Asphalt, Ostentatious, Zealous and Zap.

Oh yea...I could just say these dogs all over the place! You see, it's not so much what they mean as to how they sound and the way the letters fit together like a mini-melody. Come to think of it, I probably have several more I could list but I'm attempting not to go overboard here. Okay, off you go, we've got work to do so get out there and start spanking some ears, people!!! Let's liven up the the language of the populace!!! If you want, feel free drop me a line with some of your favorites via email: scottkurttila@hotmail.com.

Because I'd like to have a word with you.

So, I've been "awol" of late and offer my sincere apologies to those who have come seeking enlightenment, advice, inspiration and blather only to find nothing since March. It's been that time of year for me: tax time. With it comes a couple weeks of going through the dead tree particles known as paper within my little kingdom of disorganization. Two weeks, a bottle of wine, several cups of coffee and one box of popsicles later, a double-phone-book-sized stack of documents was gathered and mailed off to my CPA.

Per usual, I've filed an extension since personal finances and timeliness are like oil and water for this creative mind who despises those types of constrictive restraints. However, in keeping true to my quest of constant self-improvement I decided that this year will be "The Year Of The Dollar" for me. You might ask, "What am I thinkin', Lincoln?" I'm thinking I'm tired. No, I'm DOG tired of going through the same headache each year. So, in the past two weeks I've read two books on personal finance and implemented a debt reduction/savings/investment/retirement plan for myself in a feeble attempt to prevent an event such as filling out a McDonald's job application at age 65 to keep a non-leaking roof over my head, non-ramen food on the table and some water in the proverbial fish bowl.

After going through all of my documents and setting up Quicken to take a survey of my current situation, I found that I'd need to sock away about $18k per year for the next 27 years earning 10% interest at a 4% rate of inflation in order to retire with an annual income of $50k as long as I don't live too long past 72. Ouch. Let me rephrase that: "I think my family jewels are being squeezed to the thickness of a G-Washington emblazoned bill in a nickel-plated industrial strength vice."

Reading the books has been helpful in several ways though. First, the fact that someone has written best sellers that state my exact wrong financial moves over the past several years lends me some reassurance that I'm not the only financial failure tripping about. Second, after reading what I SHOULD do, I realize that what I've DONE was completely wrong to this point, hence my balance sheet which balances like a teeter totter with Jabba The Hut on one side and Yoda on the other. Hhhmm...where's The Force when I need it?

Believe it or not, by making just a few tiny adjustments in handling cash in the last year, I actually did a few right things. I reduced loads of debt and doubled my savings and investments. Admittedly, when you're talking little digits, that's not much of a stretch. But things did move in the positive direction. So, by doing a few more right things over the last couple of weeks, I'm already seeing progress in just 14 days. Weird, huh? Yea, I thought so, too. So what's the big secret? Well, it's really no secret. All you need to do is care enough to read a dash, weigh the advice, ponder...then act according to what you are comfortable with. It comes down to caring enough to actually check the markets and your investments and voila! With nothing more than a dash of minimal daily effort equivalent to what it takes to floss your teeth, you can be headed in a better direction. And the kicker is it's actually kind of fun to see something like your finances improve. (Lord knows I'm all about fun.)

Okay...so I need to make a point now to wrap this up and here it is: ANYONE, can do ANYTHING...all it takes is a dash of effort applied consistently over time. If ever I learned something while bicycling across the country last winter, it's the amazing power of miniscule, consistent efforts. I turned the pedals around in tiny, tiny, tiny circles minute by minute, hour by hour and day after day. I started 90 miles from Cuba and before I knew it, I was 3,674.3 miles west and swimming in the Pacific after pouring a $5.99 bottle of Andre Champagne across my bike and trailer. Whacky...I'd made it. I shouldn't have but I did, it felt impossible but it wasn't...and to tell you the truth, when I look back, it was actually pretty easy. It wasn't one huge ride, it was just a bunch of back to back little rides. Now I'm finding that saving for retirement is just a few pennies piled up day after day. Simple, huh?

Rome wasn't built in a day, but it WAS BUILT, baby!!! It all started by someone laying that first brick in that first foundation of that first building. So, if you have something you want to do, achieve, see or experience let go of doubt and toss fear aside. Just dip a toe in the water of the ocean you'll swim, type the first letter of your novel or smear the first paintstroke of your masterpiece. Then tomorrow, dip the next toe in, type the next letter or smear some more paint on that canvas. Before you know it, you'll wake up and say, "Whacky...I've made it." That's my two cents...may you laugh all the way to the bank.